Lions! by Lights (one of my fav songs)

Give me a disaster,
Give me emergency
Stand me at the head of the crusade
without a remedy
Show me to the shipwreck
Show me how your bones shake
When i’m at the edge of sorrows blade,
Show me how a heart breaks
Be steady on your feet,
matter the trouble you meet

Lions make you brave
Giants give you faith
Death is a charade
You don’t have to feel safe
to feel unafraid

Find me at the bottom
looking at the vactures
Standing in the heart of the disease
following my heart cares
I’m looking for the founder,
I’m looking for the blackness
I’m learning how to get up off my knees
and all it takes is practice
Be ready on your feet,
Matter the trouble you meet

Lions make you brave
Giants give you faith
Death is a charade
You don’t have to feel safe
to feel unafraid

I’m not the hunter
I’m not the marked
Just looking for wisdom in the dark

Lions make you brave
Giants give you faith
Death is a charade
You don’t have to feel safe
to feel unafraid

Lions make you brave
Giants give you faith
Death is a charade
You don’t have to feel safe
to feel unafraid
You don’t have to feel safe
to feel unafraid

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A fresh new start

So here we are, a fresh new start, a new theme for a new year. I’ve decided to start off the blog once more now that I have a lot more time on my hands. Expect a lot more from me than before.

So where was I the past year or so?

Well, I honestly don’t know where to start. My grandma suddenly got quite sick.

One day, out of the blue, she started falling asleep on the couch in the living room. My mum tried to wake her up and tell her to go sleep in bed. She kept insisting that she wasn’t tired, which seemed kind of weird. Eventually though, we got her to go to bed. We were worried about her, but she laughed and said she was just acting spoiled. Honestly, we thought nothing of it.

The next morning we woke up and found her sitting on the edge of a crooked chair in the balcony, her clothes soaked in urine. She had no idea how she got there. I tried to get her to get up and sit inside on a normal chair. She refused. She simply refused. After about half an hour of trying to convince her to move, she tried to, but couldn’t. It’s really as simple as that. It’s almost as if only one of either her brain or her motor skills would work at once. In a panic, I tried lifting her up, but that was no easy task. One thing made it even harder when she called me by my mom’s name. I quickly called my uncle, who happened to be a doctor, and explained the situation. My heart sank when I heard him say the words “You have to call an ambulance immediately”. It’s almost as if he’d said it in slow-motion. That short sentence he said felt like it had taken an eternity to utter. It took me all of a whole second to quite get a grasp on the reality waiting before me. In a fit of panic, my mom quickly called the ambulance, and they were here. It’s strange how that sentence took almost forever to hear, but everything else felt like it was moving much faster; a little too fast.

Three paramedics arrived and came in, asked us a few questions about her medical history, and asked my grandma two questions: what her name was, to which she replied correctly; and where she was, to which she said Al-Fayoum. Al-Fayoum! We were in Cairo! She had grown up in Al-Fayoum, but how could she not know where we were? Did this sudden state of dementia take her back in time? Or was it simply a wrong answer? All I know was that the paramedic said that she was in the early stages of a coma and that we had to get her to a hospital right now. It took all three paramedics and I to be able to lift her up and put her in this chair sort of thing to get her down the stairs. They had to tie her down to it because she was trying to fight them off. The imagery doesn’t need to be described. A few tears ran down my face as it all happened.

The speed of it all had astounded me. It felt like time had decided to speed up simply to make things harder on us. Time was the one thing we needed and the one thing we didn’t have. So several ambulance rides and two hospitals later, she was settled. She lied there on the hospital bed, her immediate family around her, all wondering what would happen next. My sister was sick with a very bad flu, my mom hadn’t eaten all day and I hadn’t eaten from the day before. I had to take care of every one of them too. We were all exhausted, but we were all thankful that she’d been taken good care of, and that she was receiving the treatment she needed.

Several months later, she’s much better again. It took very long for her to feel better, but it finally seemed like time was on our side again. I didn’t know which God I should thank, so I thanked them all. Faith is a strong gift that unfortunately I haven’t been blessed with. All I know is that I’m extremely thankful.

I wonder…

Have you ever wondered what kind of effect you have on the world around you? Whether if you suddenly died, people would actually remember you? Whether the people that you thought were friends, would actually shed a tear for you? Whether your ex-girlfriend would care and perhaps show some kind of sympathy? Whether the numerous other girls you’ve asked out and got rejected by would actually remember you? Whether all the different people you’ve wronged throughout your life would remember the horrible things you’d said and done, or whether they’d just look to the bright side and reminisce about all the good times we’ve had. Well, I do.  I’m human.

2011 Graduate

So here I am again. I know I’m not posting as often as I should, but whatever. I’ve been quite busy. I finally graduated and even started applying to different job openings. I got one job, but unfortunately, the job didn’t feel quite right. It was for a great marketing firm that made websites and logos and stuff for different companies, and I really liked the stuff they had to offer, but I guess the timing was right. The economy in Egypt is suffering and many companies I called to discuss potential business just wasn’t interested. They’re losing way to much money to consider doing business at the moment, especially if it’s something that isn’t as important in their point of view. Anyway, enough blabbing about that. It didn’t work out and it doesn’t matter anymore.

So here I am, four months later, unemployed. A part of me is excited about the future, and yet a part of me is nervous. Thinking ahead always makes me nervous. I have this nagging need to always overplan things to the point that I always end up ruining everything. So far, I’ve managed to get my grandma to secure me an internship opportunity at Merrill Lynch. After that I guess I might go on to do my masters. We’ll see how it turns out.

Up All Night

Today, I rediscovered my passion for Blink-182. I literally grew up listening to them and when they broke up, I was heart broken. I closely followed Angels & Airwaves and (+44), which some might say are really two sides to the same story. When blink got back together, it meant the world to me, but as a musician, I know what it’s like to break up and get back together with your band, and I know that it’s really hard to get back into the same mindset you used to have as a band. I was obviously quite skeptical about them coming back together thinking that probably could never reach the same level they used to be at, but oh boy was I wrong!

When they released their first song after the reunion, Up All Night, it was a strange but somehow also familiar sound. The intro is very… let’s say “experimental”, the main guitar riff is very Box Car Racer-esque, the chorus sounds like it came directly from an Angels & Airwaves outtake to the song ‘The Flight of Apollo’ from LOVE. The only thing that even slightly resembled the Blink-style was the verse. In all honesty, it sounded like Blink-182 did not really get back together, but instead had a DJ put together a few clips from songs that were never released by their respective bands. It almost felt like they had gotten together, and talked together about what direction the band was going to go and none of them had managed to come to an agreement. They had lost their identity that I grew up loving so much. Disappointed, I simply went to bed.

The next day however, a clearer version was released and so out of the sheer kindness of my heart, I decided to give the song another chance. I loved it. I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but I did. Something about it screamed “maturity”. Where was this maturity last night? It must have gotten lost in the encoding of the YouTube video, much like true intentions sometimes get lost in translation. It was there. Behind the same old vague lyrics, I heard a cry, a sense of pain and desperation, and I mean that in a good way. Behind the flange effects I heard years of experience. I mean what did I expect? The same band that played in the 90s? It obviously wasn’t so. This band had been separated for years. Best friends blamed each other for the fallout. They’ve all lost very dear friends over those years. Travis Barker got a divorce, and more importantly was in a plane crash, and I cannot even begin to imagine how traumatic that must have been. Tom Delonge was diagnosed with skin cancer, despite, ironically, his efforts over the years to help spread breast cancer awareness. They all had children. They did not grow apart, but merely grew up. They’ve all been doing different things that shaped who they are today, and it’s no surprise that that has shone through their music. When I relistened to Up All Night, it made sense to me. I mean it’s right there in the lyrics. The song, was now beautiful. It was a side of Blink that I’ve never seen and truly appreciated and respected. Blink-182 were my all-time favourite band once again.