Letter to Love

It’s been very long since we talked. You may be angry at me for leaving without saying goodbye. Clichéd as it may be, the reason I didn’t say goodbye was because it honestly hurt me to say goodbye to you not knowing when I’d be back, or indeed if ever I’d be back. I had to leave to make a name for myself. I’ve always loved you, but in the presence of your phenomenal intelligence I’ve always felt somewhat dimwitted. I so desperately wanted your attention and your approval but being the unemployed parasite that I were was no way of achieving those things. I constantly had this dream that we were married, with children and led ‘happily-ever-after’ type lives. I wanted to prove that I was capable of being something other than this lonely gamer who sponged off his family’s fortune for a living. I wanted to prove that, in said dream, I would be able to provide for my loving wife and kids.

The irony of it all I guess is that I left the country that has wronged me in so many ways in the past to search for a brighter future, only to find myself in a dull and tedious environment with the most unimaginative job I could possibly acquire. “The pay is really good,” I find myself repeatedly telling myself. My life choices in their entirety are constantly being questioned in my mind. Am I doomed to be alone like my father? Is the work stress and the constant reminder of you going to kill me at a young age? Will I even wake up tomorrow? All I think of is what might have been. It is becoming more apparent to me that you are the girl who got away: my destiny; my one and only. Oh, how I wish our paths would cross again. Because love, without you there is no tomorrow.

Our love was always doomed from the start. The timing of everything from your heartbreaks to my heartbreaks could not have been worse. I guess you shall forever remain embedded in my mind as a distant memory and unfortunately nothing more. I imagine you’ve already moved on and forgotten all about me. I imagine it’s probably for the best.