Why do we do what we do? Why do we put up with the craziness around being in our mid twenties, going out and forcing ourselves to try and have fun? Does it really matter? Why does a part of us always yearn for something greater? Why do we always feel like we needed something that we sacrificed in the past? We don’t even know what that something is.
I am a twenty-two year old guy who’s unemployed. No, it’s not the market that’s bad. I’ve always had a rough idea of what I wanted to do with my life and now that I’m growing older, I’m starting to realize that sometimes our dreams just don’t come true. Everyone around me is willing to settle down, get a dead-end job that they’re never going to like, that pays just enough to barely get by while still living with their parents, enough to keep them sane until they are married off at twenty-three so that they then become someone else’s problem.
My mistake on the other hand is that I still keep trying to hold on to my dreams. I know they’re not realistic, but I still hold off at the off-chance that one day I may be discovered for my creative innovative talent and be asked to become the CEO of a major tech giant. Yeah, I told you it wasn’t very realistic. Still though, why do people settle down knowing fully that they’re not going to be happy? Just imagine what kind of amazing things people could have done if they were just a little more patient, held off for a bit and actually tried to do what they felt they were meant to do with their lives. Why can’t we travel? Nobody ever wants to work where they grew up. Everyone wants to live the dream of moving out and trying to make it on their own. Everybody fails. Well, not everybody. But many. Even just at the traveling part.
I’ve actually done a few interviews and got offered a couple of jobs, but I’ve always turned them down because I always felt like I could do better. Is it crazy to want to achieve something greater than minimum wage? Is it bad that I’m stuck up enough to think that this job is not good enough for me? Time and time again I wonder about the girl who got away. She’s working now. I make sure not to get back in touch with her, not because I’m desperate, lonely and frankly a bit out of it, but because I remember that she was just as judgmental as me, which funnily enough was one of the many things I loved about her. I know she would instantly look down on me for being unemployed. I made the mistake of texting the word “hi” to her recently, to which she actually replied. I quickly switched off my phone and promised myself that I wouldn’t continue that conversation, no matter how desperately I wanted to find out where it had gone.
So here I am, doing what I do best: procrastinating. Pretending I have many important things going on in my life when really all i have going for me is my World of Warcraft account and this blog, both of which I do pretty badly. My constant shuffling around of plans to try and organize myself enough to immigrate to another country is bound to end some day, and I will inevetibly end up “settling down” like everyone else around me.